the bug

days have been going by like the pages of an open book left to the winter wind.. this is a strange season and a very strange time.

i didn't wake up until 1 today, and i didn't like it.. i had strange and uncomfortable dreams.

i had a really good, and long overdue, conversation with jacob earlier about traveling, the future, and what a strange time we're both living through right now... vague central, when you try to regurgitate it. i can only speak for myself... i'm currently living in a space, both physically and mentally, where i'm not able to find much peace. i'm aching for a change of scenery, a change of pace, a change of residency.. all in more ways than one.. i'm still learning a lot right now though, about patience, which i should totally be thankful for. it's not often that you're in a situation where you are openly confronted with an opportunity to learn, and consciously better yourself. just the fact that i'm conscious that i'm even in this situation makes me happy.. but i can't appreciate this situation right now. even though this problem is affecting me in a positive way in one light, in another light, it's driving me crazy, literally... this is life. subject/object. the sun setting into darkness, in one part of my mind, is the sun rising into a beautiful blue sky, in another... they're both beautiful, and should be appreciated. this is a problem with many layers to it... hmm, maybe instead, i should say, this is a solution with many layers to it... oh sweet duality.

i'm dancing to a song that i don't love like i should... knowing this, and remaining unappreciative, gets far more taxing than the dance itself... i would really like someone to show me how to love like i should, all over again. i don't even know where to start anymore.